🔗 Share this article Navigating my Desire for Casual Encounters While Seeking a Committed Partnership As a homosexual male approaching 50, my life has involved many, largely pleasurable years engaging in casual sex with other men since the age of 19. In my 30s, I was in a committed partnership which continued for a significant period, but I never felt completely content, because I didn't experience love nor intimately fulfilled. The fact is that I have always craved casual sex. Every time I start to date any man, when the initial excitement fades, an impulse arises to have sex with other men once more. Reflecting on the Possibility of Monogamy I am now wondering whether it's possible for me to maintain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that many gay men have non-monogamous arrangements, yet when I’ve witnessed them, they have seemed like hard work, often resulting in lots of pain and jealousy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I want another man to care for me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I fear the psychological toll this would cause. Should I just keep having casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel somewhat confused. Every person’s intimate path fluctuates. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your capacity to handle different types of intimate connections in a finite way. What you need as you are experiencing them now may well change in the future; eventually you may find yourself less ambivalent and discover greater understanding and a suitable route … or perhaps not. One day you could encounter someone who provides a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Worrying about the future and engaging in the “What if?” game is merely rooted in fear and a waste of your energy. Aim to stay in the moment in your relationships, and recognize the value of each person with whom you might have a sexual connection. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with a single person, it will be clear. The psychotherapist practices as a American psychotherapist who specialises in addressing intimacy issues.